· Ready to take your dating to the next level? Check out our partner, MeetMindful. Thousands of conscious men and women who are looking for someone like you. — Listen, listen, listen. In the same respect, you have to listen to what the other person is saying, whether in person or in body language. Pay attention to the signals you are being thrown. Counseling -Finally, if you are really interested in progressing the relationship, maybe a little couple's counseling could blogger.com: Susie Mcgee · You may still suck but not as hard as before. But as you keep at it, if you keep practicing, you’ll reach the next level. You’ll hit the point of conscious competence: you know what you’re doing but you have to think about it. And if you continue practicing, you
How To Take Dating To The Next Level - Paging Dr. NerdLove
The process of getting better at dating can be a difficult one. You can point to the world at being unfair or complain that other people demonize your natural-if-awkwardly-expressed desires. It absolves you, in many ways, of having to do any self-examination. One of the things that I like to emphasize is that dating is a skill. And any skill can be improved with practice.
The tricky part though, is that developing a skill can take time. The way you improve any skill is simple: you put in deliberate practice. If you want to get better at an academic discipline, you study, you read, you memorize, you take tests. So it is with dating. If you want to get better at dating… you practice. You go out, you make approaches, you flirt with strangers and so forth and so on. As it turned out, the way I was practicing slowed me down. Without meaning to, I had actually made things more difficult.
See, I introduced a lot of inefficiencies into how I was developing my skills as a PUA. The amount of time I had to devote to practice was getting dwarfed by how I was practicing. All my practicing was based around going out and making constant approaches. Now it makes sense that — especially at the time — if I wanted to get good at picking up girls and bars, how to take online dating to the next level, then I needed to spend time picking up girls in bars. That was always going to be part of how I practiced, just as scrimmages and matches are part of practicing at sports.
Because I was only practicing my skills at specific times — nights out, how to take online dating to the next level, occasional daytime approaches — I was slowing myself down. Like trying to drive without leaving first gear, I was gonna get there eventually but it was going to take fucking forever. The thing I missed at first is that the skills that make someone better at dating are discrete as well as amalgamated.
One of the reasons why a lot of guys get frustrated learning how to flirt and date is that we try to do too much, all at once. Just g oing to bars and hitting on women made it difficult to figure out where I was going wrong. Did this person not respond because I was too pushy? There was no real way to troubleshoot what I was doing wrong because there were too many variables.
The things that we tend to think are important vs. what we actually need to focus on is often night-and-day different. Take cold-approachesfor example. Part of what slows down a lot of men who try to approach people is that they think they need the first few seconds to be perfect. As a result, they obsess about opening lines and plausible reasons to approach someone.
The problem is that the opener is literally one of the least important parts of an approach. Understanding how to connect with someone and get them interested in you is far more important than the first words out of your mouth.
So before you drive yourself crazy trying to master everything at the same time, you want to take a little time to break down dating overall into its components. And to be fair: it can be a bit overwhelming.
Divide things into their own sub-categories to make it more manageable. From there, you want to figure out not only which aspects are the ones you need to work on the most. After all, not everybody is going to start at the same place. We all have our natural aptitudes and weaknesses, and we all have areas that require more work than others. You might have a decent lifestyle but need to how to take online dating to the next level more work into connecting with people, whereas someone else might have to deal with internal issues while otherwise being fairly charismatic.
Still others will want to work on their external presentation. Improving any skill takes practice and practice takes time. In my case, if I wanted to practice, I had to go get gussied up, maybe get ahold of some of my friends or regular wingmen and head out to the bars. That, in turn, added to the amount of time it took for me to improve. YouTuber Mike Boyd, who runs the Learn Quick channel has a great video explaining this issue:.
The less time you have to devote to the things you need to do to practice in the first place, the faster you learn. Having a brief conversation with somebody how to take online dating to the next level a great way to develop those skills. But while the investment is low, the payoff is spectacular. This is why one of the things I advise people who deal with approach anxiety is to simply start by going up to people and asking them for the time. They are small, incremental challenges that quickly demystify approaching people you might be attracted to.
With time and practice, it becomes part of your muscle memory; eventually a pproaching strangers and ending up with a new friend is just something you do instead of having to force it every time. Even time at home alone is time that you can devote to practice. The hardest thing about any new skill is the first few hours of practice, how to take online dating to the next level.
This is the part that kicks most people square in their insecurities. But the truth of the matter is: everyone goes through this. This is the pain period — the point where you are continually, uncomfortably aware being fucking awful. You lose your motivation to practice. This is the part where most people quit. Think of it like the ache of underused muscles: it may hurt but only at first.
If you can grit your teeth, clench your emotional fists and push through that frustration it will stop hurting. Not immediately. Not at first. First it will just hurt less.
You may still suck but not as hard as before. And if you continue practicing, you hit the final stage: unconscious competence. But only if you push through the pain period. Only if you take that frustration and redouble your efforts to improve.
Remember what I said about taking 10, hours to master something? See, the 10, hours of practice is what it takes to be a master of something. But we let the idea of 10, hours become our Everest. We assume we need to hit that level of mastery when in reality? You only need to be pretty good. We let the idea of perfection fuck us over. We get angry when our practice is off, when we make minor mistakes how to take online dating to the next level feel like we should be past already.
The point of practice is to make mistakes — we want to learn so we can self-edit and self-correct. And by making those mistakes, we learn how to not make them again. Learning a skill can be frustrating. There will be plateaus and mistakes and walls we think we can never overcome. This is as true in dating as it is in sports or chess or music. But you can break through, if you keep at it. You just need to put in the work. By practicing in the right way, you can develop our skills faster than you ever believed you could.
CodeWench If he was really targeting women "in his league" he'd be getting laid. He has to figure out if he wants to hold on to his unreasonably high standards or if he wants casual sex. What he's doing now is Archives Contact Me The Secret Origin of Dr. NerdLove Dr. NerdLove Store Dr. Books Podcasts The Grimes Test Ask Dr. NerdLove The Basics Private Coaching Contact Me.
The Inefficiencies of Practice The way you improve any skill is simple: you put in deliberate practice, how to take online dating to the next level. Turns out, I was doing it wrong. Kind of. Breaking Down The Skills of Dating One of the reasons why a lot of guys get frustrated learning how to flirt and date is that we try to do too much, all at once.
What about THAT Doc?! But just as important as choosing what we need to work on is how to do it. The Art of Integrating Life and Practice Improving any skill takes practice and practice takes time.
Share 5. Pin 3. Recent Comments CodeWench If he was really targeting women "in his league" he'd how to take online dating to the next level getting laid.
Listen, listen, listen. In the same respect, you have to listen to what the other person is saying, whether in person or in body language. Pay attention to the signals you are being thrown. Counseling -Finally, if you are really interested in progressing the relationship, maybe a little couple's counseling could blogger.com: Susie Mcgee · You may still suck but not as hard as before. But as you keep at it, if you keep practicing, you’ll reach the next level. You’ll hit the point of conscious competence: you know what you’re doing but you have to think about it. And if you continue practicing, you · Ready to take your dating to the next level? Check out our partner, MeetMindful. Thousands of conscious men and women who are looking for someone like you. —
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